Tuesday, April 7, 2009

What a Horrible Day...

Hey everyone, I had a bad day today, like that song that everyone liked for a bit then after a few weeks everyone made fun of me for liking it because it wasn't new anymore and it hurt my feelings that someone would make fun of me for having a specific taste in music so I went and I crushed my ipod with my face into the pavement and got a black eye and went to school looking badass and everyone said I looked like I got in a fight at a gay club in Sanfrancisco so I covered it with makeup and went to school and then everyone said I REALLY looked like i got into a bar fight at a gay club in sanfrancisco. Anyways, here's my journal entry for today:

April 7, 2009
Dear Diary,
Today I heard two of my friends having a discussion about what I thought was cars, I heard one of them say "Wow! Look at that Gran-Tran!" So I proceeded to tell them "That's what my stepdad rides!", and as it turns out, they weren't talking about cars at all, Gran-Tran stands for "Grannie Trannie". Needless to say everyone is drawing pictures of my stepdad doing it with a Gran-Tran, that's hurtful, he is simply a nice guy, and doesn't deserve this.

I have a crush on this girl who refuses to go out with me or acknowledge my existance, so as I was rummaging through her knapsack at lunch hour to find a momento, I found a letter from a guy named Phil, it read :

Dear Candice,
It’s a total bummer you want to wait for marriage.
With adoration,

I thought about how horrible Phil was for saying such a thing, but he is very pretty, so I could understand using such a tactic. As I walked by Candice's lunch table after stealing her gym shorts, I heard her talking to her friends about how tonight was the night her and Phil were going to go all the way, it's a Tuesday today, I don't even go out on Tuesdays, I would have been happy if she just wanted to join me to watch reruns of ABC's hit drama LOST, the characters timetravel now, it's pimptastic. But seriously I wouldn't have even touched her...partly because I'm an old fashioned guy and partly because I sweat...alot...copious amounts of sweat.

I used the word pimptastic outside of my journal today and was called a shturd...I didn't know it wasn't a cool thing to say.

I tried to make my personal goat Pinata today and was arrested just as I was lighting the fireworks, apparently the police have had an eye on me for a long time.

I was typing in Wingdings in Microsoft Word and found a startling fact, Wingdings hates jews...really, really bad.

I fear for my religion, for Hanukka, my Kippah, and my mother. Not necessarily in that order.

Watch out for the Wingdings:

Love, Foxy's Friend Ishmael

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