Thursday, May 28, 2009

Happy Hepatitis Day!

Hello dearest!
It's hepatitis day! So enjoy it! Share a needle, lick handrails, share your blood with strangers, it's all okay! Here are some hepatitis facts that you've probably never heard because I just made them up...

  1. Fifty-cent has an unreleased track called "Hep. B", with the lyrics:
    "I neva got vaccinated for hepatits B,
    now hepatitis B is deep insido me...gangstaz"
  2. Canadians invented the zipper, the slinky, and Hepatitis A. (think about it...think about it)
  3. You can get hepatitis from goats, my apologies to all those who made goat pinatas (refer to goat pinata post)

That's all for now, keep licking those handrails!


(with street cred. to one of the sneaky piglets)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

We live in Mississippi!

Hey sugar blossom, it's your boyfriend...Foxy.
We've been getting alot of hate mail lately, so we decided to post a little tidbit so you know we're still one of you, and love you all very much. We miss you all,

Friends First,
Confederates Second,
Since 1861.

Look it up,

Monday, May 25, 2009

Do you ever feel like this?

When words and gestures don't quite cut it...

Just puke on their face.

Chowda Chops

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Long Winded Sadness

I know that these troublesome pigs and their cest pool of germs seem to be a recurring theme in the media this past month, but we figured since pigs are an easy thing for all of our Pigeon Stew readers to relate to, we should stick with it.

Now, if you happen to be 16 or 17 and in grade 11 (which we believe 3% of our demographic is) and you happen to be taking biology than you have probably recently experienced the miracle that is dissecting a newborn piggy. An exciting, exhilarating event it is! Here at the stew we really love the whole concept of destroying animal carcasses (See goat piƱata article)! Golly gee nothing gets us off faster! Now I’m sure most of you were told that the pigs are still-born fetuses who didn’t survive, and you are NOT allowed to take any of the body parts home...well rules are made to be broken. And all that malarky about Piggy McPiggerson being a still-born, that my friends, thank the gods of humor, is a lie. The pigs are infact bred and than brutally murdered in order for us to experiment on, of course, in the wretched name of science. Quick note: if it was in the name of a god then that would be a whole other story. I personally sacrificed Turkey to Kwame Kilpatrick...noticed how I said "Turkey" and not "a turkey", I sacrificed a country bro.

Now while the whole issue sounds unfortunate and hilarious, we put our superior minds to the tes and found that it could be much more ufortunate and hilarious. That’s right, here at Pigeon Stew we’re crazy mofo bastards and just love to beat off on a dead horse—or shall we say pig, for morbidity's sake?

Anyhow, this is what we concluded. Mama sow is a sweet dear innocent piggy that we get from the farmers in the famous novel, Charlotte's Web, yep, we also get Babe from the classic movie "Babe"...but that's another story in itself. In the van, heading back to our farm we tell her stories of the great days to come. We speak of the many prosperous babies she will have, not to mention the lavish sweat pig slop made of truffles, caviar, and seasoned with ample amounts of our own sweat and blood. Then, when we get to the farm, the pig is surprised to find a disgusting piggy brothel. Here we whore out the young sow, along with others much like her, to disgusting and morbidly obese hogs with severe drug issues. Us humans now relish in the fact that we are way smarter than these pigs, and we crack a bruski like the brohans we are. During the degrading sale of the sow’s body we ensure that she becomes pregnant. Then, while we wait for the pregnancy to run it’s course we assure her that we will take care of her babies and that this was a horrible mistake, once again displaying our cunning pig-tricking abilities...HAR! After months of pampering and reassuring, the piglets are born. At that moment the babies, who have a striking resemblance to the hog that used their mother, are taken, rubbed into the sow’s face and then murdered on the spot. Shortly after the fresh piggy corpses are shipped off for half baked teens to poke around the insides of. When interviewed after being told this story one Indian student asked one question: “Where is the justice!?”

I’m not sure Kumar, I'm really not too sure, let’s ask the audience.
Do you know where the justice has gone? Please tell us your thoughts on our facebook. Our name is Pigeon the blogs name...actually exactly the same if you can't find it, you're so dumb.

Chowda Chops.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Randy Jackson and his Dawgs

I apologize, this post has absolutely nothing to do with Randy Jackson, we used his names for ratings. What we're really talking about here is...

Simple Tips to Kill a Dog!
Do you have a pesky mutt? A dirty pup? Or simply a pussy hound? (not that kind)
Well look no further! Because I have tips that will make killing them easier!

Tip #1: Submerging them in water confuses them
Tip #2: Doggy + Electricity = Inviting the latino neighbours over for barbeque
Tip #3: Invite Rachel Ray over...maybe the dog will kill itself so you dont have to get your hands dirty
Tip #4: Tell the cops it was merely a domestic dispute and you had no intentions to hang your dog from the rafters, nor do you have any idea who could have put a noose around your dogs Haratio from CSI: MIAMI.
Tip#5: If you plan on eating it, eat only the hindquarters and the fleshy groin meat, not only is it the most nutritious, its the most delicious

Well, I hope this has helped! Be sure to write! Bye!

So long...LOVER
(PigeonStew does not in anyway condone dog murder, the PigeonStew team only eats tofu because we don't even condone plant murder, thus they do not eat vegetables and fill up only on raw creatine powder. But back to the subject, don't really kill your dog and say it was our fault because we told you to, sit down with your dog and talk through your differences like a gentleman, you made an oath "forever do us part"...remember?)

Monday, May 11, 2009

Pigeon Stew Informational Seminar

ever wondered where the G-spot is?


No but seriously, we have loads in common. Anyways, we have put together a little informational tidbit on how to find this little love muffin, and caress the inner depth of the lagoon until the spirits beg for timeless release. To start, you will want to pretend your an animal, maybe a neanderthall, or something really good like a Troglodyte. I prefer to pretend I'm a latino, but to each his own. ONWARD!

I have broken down the tedious journey into several steps, having this information on the internet is a small step for man kind, and a large step for your self esteem.
  • Firstly, enter the forbidden golden dunes, this is best performed if your subject is sleeping. Next, follow the first rusty chain you find until you reach the everlasting stream, traipse in the stream, it's refreshing, some may say rejuvinating, you can't describe it, all you feel is the colour blue.
  • Soon, you will see the great rock, Arstright. He will guide you to the next point. Trust him, you will find that all speaking rocks are worthy of your time, and you ask to meet his people. He says "No."
  • Arstright will hand you a key, and you will be left on your own to find the rest of your way. Be sure to leave enough time for goodbyes before Arstright magically disappears.
  • You will find a locked chest in Arstrights enchanted forest, tweak the knobs, use your key, you will then posess 3 copper coins. (gold got really expensive after the first three guys used this technique so now we steal copper from electric wiring and melt it into coins for this purpose, don't complain)
  • Exit your subjects anus (what did you think the golden dunes in step 1 were?)
  • Enter the forbidden fortress, pay the nymphs your copper coins for safe passage
  • You will find a rough bumpy patch...that's not it, you've gone too far, start over.
  • Use the skills you acquired in Mordor to highten the sensuality
  • Reach further, you will find the G-spot on the inside of her belly button.

What? You don't believe me? Fine! Enjoy NOT pleasuring anyone to their max capacity...and nice hair by the way.


Ishmael, Foxy's Jewish Friend

(They taught us in Hebrew school...I swear!)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sappy Mothers Day!

Hello fellow nymphos,
Today is a terrible day, it is the day that middle aged females all over the planet are told to shamelessly hang their heads in shameful shame. Today is the day which we use to remind them of the terrible thing they have done, through taunting and often physical abuse. ...thus making them mothers. We will not disclose what this one rule is, because this forum is not a "let's learn about religion" forum, if you wanted that...screw you.

Today, I sadly report, is mother's day. I expect that the suicide rate shall peak today around 2 PM Eastern Time, both in the middle age woman demographic, as well as the slightly funnier yet slightly more depressing demographic of those whos mothers died in lebionic rituals that we will no longer speak of...they're disgusting.

How ever all is not grim. For I was not born as a result of sexual reproduction. I was born in a much friendlier fashion...and it's not through the bum...

As a result, my egg was fertilized externally by my father, Sperm Doner 1134-A7, with a geriatric hose. And that, my friends is why me and my mom are spending the day together smiling, getting lost in eachother's eyes, maybe some frivolous dancing, and drinking the blood of those who killed themselves.

Happy Mothers Day Dumbasses,
With Love,
Chowda McChowdaChoppenstein

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Man I Want Some!

Everybody Stop!
It's fresh, it's new, plus everyone on "The Hills" is doing it...hellz yeah!
You can get it anywhere! Your local smoke shop, your girlfriend, or doing such routine things like yoga near your local garbage dump. It's insanium. I heard it's the new opium, and everyone knows how popular opium is. It's going around like a portly yet curious thirteen year old boy at a highschool party, his name is Gary, he got some alcohol in him, and he's going to town!

To top it off, it's from our favourite place to love, as long as the natives aren't around. You guessed it! The land of the beaners, Mehico! This one is a big'un boys and girls. It's a mutated form of Swine Flu. Where if you're from Jerusalem it's called Mexico Flu (obviously because "swine" flu is not Kosher, and therefore causes serious problems for their whole "no pork dudes!" rule). If you're from any other country it's called Hybrid Flu, because it's a combination of Swine, Avian and Human Flu! (Yeah...hybrid, like George Clooney's car, that man ages so well) Now I don't know about you, but I want in on this! Human intelligence, wings of a bird and the, loving stamina of a pig! Oh and if you live in the States, or if you're Mr. Obama it's called F1 H1, or something super classy like that... just like him...saying "look at me! I'm president!" With his fancy words and skin colour. They think F1H1 is less terrifying...I disagree, everyone has a nice memory of a pig, snuggling, loving, just truly beautiful animals, whereas F1H1 reminds me of the Holocaust, thanks Obama! It sounds like something grown in a freaking test tube in Obama's secret laboratory, just to lower the population of the middle class. Well if you want to get in on this crazy new train of excitement and fast living, I'd get out and start licking handrails and doorknobs immediately, not to mention hang out in as many tight crowded and congested places such as buses, Chuckie Cheese's, and your local Meth Addict Clinics.

Check out the new craze's poster, did somebody say rad? Oh sorry, that was just the wind proclaiming its love.

*note that symptoms of Hybrid Flu are similar to symptoms of Pigeon Stew Flu, making it pretty ... shall I dare say it? Pimptastic.

Until later,
Stay classy San FranDISCO

Chowda Chops and Foxy ( its sleepover night)

Friday, May 1, 2009

Serving Up Pork!

I regret having to inform you of such horrible events,

As you may know, the mexicans have pulled a fast one on us Righteous North Americans. The Swine Flu is a pandemic effecting the entire world, and maybe you have it. Here at Pigeon Stew, we employed our friend who you may have heard of, Chiko Rodriguez Lorenzo Rodriguez Shaquille Harrison, to draw up a little diagram so you friendly Stew readers would see signs of the disease and stay wary of these situations. Take a peeksie!

Holy Crap! Scary, Scary! Well, I'm off for Pork Chops,

Love you guys,


Fan Mail!

Hip hip Hooray For May!
Be sure to wish the month of May a happy birthday today!

But Firstly,
Our dear friend Chiko wrote is our first piece of fanmail! We thought it was just as cute as a button! And we had to share!

P.S. Don't be too hard on his penmanship, I guess he's a little retarded...I mean latino. hemhem.


Still Thinking About You,