Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Celibanity is in the Air

To all my Ornery Love Kittens,
I recieved a memo from the Reverend, and thought you might like to take a looksie.

Now, gather around friends, for a special message from our very Southern and very holy friend, Reverend Glen Anderson.

Celibanity and You: Opportunities

Are you tired of having to choose between the vast possibilities of hundreds of sexual partners you may have tonight? Stressed from being too attractive and overloaded with sexual appeal? Down with all the sci-fi elements of scientology, but just not believing the plot? Liking the idea of eternal life but tired of waiting for judgement day? Bored of the old, stuffy texts of God? Want to belong but don’t want to memorize passage after passage?


Are you getting tired of always getting shown up in church by that snobby guy in Dockers shorts and Lacoste sweaters? Confused by all the rules and just don't know who to shoot your prayers to anymore? Allah, the Holy Ghost, Zeus, Tom Cruise? Who knows any more! God knows I wasn’t totally satisfied when I spent 25 years meditating with Tao monks in eastern Asia, and he also knows that I only pretended to levitate. To the homies and the bros, are you trying to get a little extra alongside eternal salvation…you know what I’m talking about! Well then it sounds that its time for a new religion. Oh but where can I find one? Your local Reverend Glen is here to help! Now I know I've saved many a soul with some of the commandments you've probably ceaselessly studied, but I'm here to offer even more.



This religion I’m letting your get inside is the proud organization of Celibanity. It's a dream for those looking to impress the parents and more so the ladies, cause I know even you can remember our one rule.
There's only one proclamation. Once you remember this, oh will the acceptance roll in. These girls are holy, so the approval of the parents is an essential. Think of the stories the bros will flip over! Anything can happen at late night bible study. Hot damn, speaking of, the hour is getting late and I must depart, but I'm willing a-bet that this little taste of Celibanity has got you stimulated ready for round two. Remember our slogan!

"Don't think, just join."
-Reverend Glen Anderson

Stay strong, stay firm, and stay hard,

No comments:

Post a Comment