This is a family recipe originally made by my great great uncle Pito, a mexican slave worker from Europe. We hope you enjoy our tasty funslice!
How to Create Your Own Goat Piñata:
Step 1: Find a stray goat, if you live in Essex, you can probably find one behind Billy’s Bar and Grill or in the basement of Chochi’s, if you don’t live in Essex, take a road trip to our beautiful town and wrangle your goat! Truly a hands on experience, and the kids will love the free knives!
Step 2: Buy a whole paycheques worth of candy, don’t worry, this shit is going to be insane, even better if you get hard candy because (SPOILER ALERT!) They might draw blood when we blow up this goat.
Step 3: Massage your goats’ throat as you put the candy into his mouth, this will force him to swallow the candy whole
Step 4: Find an abandoned car, if you live in Essex, you can find one in the Red Light District part of town, if you don’t, take a road trip to our beautiful town, we have a SCHINKLES MEAT MARKET!
Step 5: Cover the car in Chipotle barbeque sauce
Step 6: Force the goat into the abandoned chipotle barbeque saucy car
Step 7: Light fireworks and throw them at the gas tank of the car, which if done correctly will most likely cause a pretty substantial explosion
Step 8: Chipotle goat meat probably flew everywhere when the car blew up, so enjoy that succulent snack, and enjoy your fun desert, slightly goat-flavoured candy.
Our thoughts are with you, and your little goats too,