Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Meet Jim Everybody!

To All of My Savage Sexual Heroes from Nam:
It is to my furious pleasure that I introduce to you a man who has been with me every step of my life. He coerced me to stand up when I was still sitting down to urinate at age 12. He taught me how to play baseball, but more importantly, he taught me how to feel. Without further ado, lets meet Jim Polanski!

Say Hello Jim!

Your hair looks like tickles!

Anyhow, Jim recently discovered he has been living an incredibly materialistic life. How did he come to this conclusion? He found himself thinking of his couch while he was humping his mattress. Bad Business Jim. Bad Business. Even I could have given my mattress all my attention. But that's all behind him now! He said no to his life of the materialistic and said "hey there sugar tits" to a life of calm, tranquility, and inner lucidity. That's correct, he became a Peruvian monk with a no nonsense attitude. Shall we say a picture utters more words than words do?

Say Hello Peruvian Jim!

Whoa there buddy! Nice Colour! The sun has served you bountifully!

But you better stop eating the rice down there, I wouldn't want you looking too good!

Well that's Jim's story, what's yours maggot? Send it to , and maybe we will encourage your writing escapades, or maybe I'll never check my email. It's a toss up.



P.S. Until next time, ponder this,

World War One?

or World War Fun?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Chuggo, Our Friend and Partner

Hello Fellow Pursuers of Greatness,
It's me...Foxy. Recently, Chowda and I have begun to settle down, relax, and enjoy the finer things in life in a more refined style. These things include two main sections:

1) Golden Brown Spam Roll Crescents
2) Chuggo's eloquent word weavery.

Now, for those of you who are not familiar with Chuggo, stop reading now, because once you hear his voice, you will never be able to avert your eyes from his. Whether it be capturing our hearts through his magniloquent staff, his fervid features, or his poignant conjecture on the meaning of life, each individual who sees his face immediately knows he is their soul mate. Not only does his highfalutin disposition reak of confidence, but his clothing also reaks of OldSpice. In my opinion, the only thing that could make OldSpice better, is a highfalutin disposition.

Chuggo's real name is Archibald Farley, and he is of Prussian descent. His interests include diamonds.

If you want to here his sweet tunes look no further. It's right here.

Or if you want to see his website visit

Keep Expanding your Horizons,

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Martin Luther King Jr.

Hello Noodle Foodle,
Foxy Reporting. Sorry about my absense, I'm just so Goddamned famous. Anyways, I recently got to talk to Martin Luther King Jr. from beyond the grave. Yeah, it was good I guess. I asked him some very poignant questions that I knew you would all enjoy!

Q: If you had a girlfriend, what would your pet name be?
A: I cover her face in Mountain Dew and call her Dewbacca.

Q: Do you have a nickname for your penis?
A: Yes.

Q: Favorite Candy?
A: Lambchops.

Q: What is your nickname for your penis?
A: Snickers. As in the chocolate bar. Yeah. Hungry? Grab Snickers.

Foxy: Well Martin, surprisingly, thats all I have to ask! It's really been an honour ma brotha', and hopefully we will be homies fo' sho', flo.

This is where Foxy's name will be remembered forever in the pages of history, one quote, from Martin Luther King Jr.

"Fuck you Foxy, You ain't no nigga, wonderbread, motha' fuckin' saltine cracka'"
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Truly an outstanding man, and an outstanding lover. Fare thee well Martin, and thankyou for setting me straight by calling me 'wonderbread' and 'cracka'.

Enjoy that, it's fresh
Your Blossom Bum,

Sometimes Diverse Is An Understatement...

Hello my Shmoopsie Cuddle Puffins,

Here is the scoop:
All your questions shall be answered on this night. I have been receiving hundreds of emails, per hour, from you, the viewers. These emails are delightful and very intelligent, not to mention your Byootifull ability to misspell more frequently than we do. Of course you are probably assuming that most of these emails are January showers of praise and invitations to act in dirty ways (you have no clue how many grandma's want me to help them plant daffodils and how many sexy girls don't talk to us). You are too right, But more importantly you have been asking about who it is that runs this site, our employees that is. So I've decided to reveal the life and times of a valued member of the team. He is also straight. Hmprh.

The Life and Times of: Señor Chiko, The Mexican Who Can't Speak American.

Chiko Rodriguez Lorenzo Rodriguez Shaquille Harrison is a 32 year old hairy male who resides in Essex, Ontario during the summer months, picking tomatoes and doing random freelance work during his spare time. The rest of the time Chiko spends his in his home land of, you guessed it, Purple Seal, North West Territories. Chiko also owns property in Milan but he doesn't like it that much. Chiko is a third generation Latino-Canadian of the Great White North. His ancestor, Maria Rodriguez Sanchez, arrived there after she was left for dead by the rich American gold prospectors who brought her along to clean his tent. And by tent we mean penis. Chiko's mother was a pro-stitute.

The reason she was left was because the prospector had cheated on his wife with Maria and did not want to be given a dirty look by his priest. Of course for the sake of cliché Maria was pregnant with his baby triplets (yep, hold on tight cause there is more where that came from.) Two babies were eaten by the third while in the whom, thus creating Jenny Craig Rodriquez Harrison, of course the Craig Harrison was named after her father. Jenny Craig lived a modest Inuit lifestyle after moving to the North West Territories with her mother, a successful attempt to escape the Ice Dragons of the North, (scary shit, long story, maybe another time, but not if you keep up that attitude mister) One fateful night Jenny went to a bar where travelers often go for sex, aka a brothel, she went to relax. That's when she saw him, Rodney Shaquille. He was the most oddly coloured man of 45 she had ever seen in her life. He was a lightish brown, not quite white, not quite black and certainly not Indian, but definately a homosexual. Of course curiosity got the best of her, and Rodney had never experienced love making with a woman so he was down for anything. He left to return to his work as a subway ticket vendor in a poor part of Toronto, as he was in the north as a result of a prank pulled on him by his white friends. Of COURSE, 9 months later (I told you there was more, and there is even more of more to come,) A young boy was born. Jenny named her son Chiko Rodriguez Lerenzo Sanchez Shaquille Harisson.

Growing up Chiko was teased by many of the Inuit children for his very mixed, very homosexual, yet native lacking heritage. He was called many names such as Jerk, Idiot, Narwhal Fucker and of course, on account of his Black Mexican ancestry and unfortunate partial last name, "Dirty Sanchez" (he was also called Jew, which is unrelated because he wasn't jewish it was just a good name to call him). This teasing caused him to abandon the family name and replace it with a second Rodriguez.

After a long, abused childhood, full of alcoholism, paint, gas, and baby huffing and no female contact, Chiko made his way to Essex County to make a new life picking tomatoes in the tomato capital of the world: Leamington. Us at the Pigeon Stew found his ad in the "Classified" section of the Essex Voice, next to the escort service ads. It read "Wilin to doo any extra werk at all."

Foxy, who was getting way too famous and had recently discovered masturbation, had a lot to do, and I am an artiste, so we figured, "hey, this dude could work!" and we hired him on the spot. We pay him in Carling brand beer and house him in a box by the high school. He is quite thankful, and is actually sweeping the grass off the summer snow covered side walk out front our house. He's wearing a white Def Leopard Shirt and white paint covered pants (the paint is from when he painted my deck, not art,) He looks ridiculous! Hahaha those zany mixed mexican homosexuals...when will they learn?!

Oh and P.S. Chiko is completely white, skin that is. He got the white genes from his dad. He does have a good mexicano moustache though. And the moral of the story is that homosexuality is genetic.

Enlightened? Yeah...that's what that feeling is.

Love, Chowda Chops.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hope No One Sues Us

Hello, dear sexual partner,
It may seem that us at PigeonStew are seeming to get lazy lately, particularly with our regular witty posts. Well you seem to be seeming quite seemingly wrong! We 've been busy making PigeonStew Products! Some books written by Chico, Milk names PigeonMoo, PigeonGlue, well, you get the idea! And with this exam season, we have been forced to be out sleeping with our teachers on top of our vigorous work! Mr. Masterson happens to be incredibly sensual (Thats Gary Masterson for those of you who don't know him, but something tells me everyone does).

Anyhow, in order to make up for our lack of attention to our grand total of 347, 589,294 viewers We have a tasty little tidbit for you!

YUP! Believe what you've heard! That's it, a possibly consistant segment all about the drunken escapades of our dear alienesque friend Earl, no relation to the character played by Jason Lee on that NBC t.v. show that apparantly tanked recently.

Hope your weiner is as hard in excitement as your sisters breasts were moist when I covered her accidentally in Fruitopia...some call it accidental arousal, I call it fate. Like newly levened bread with marmalade, or lynchings and mississippi, breasts and fruitopia were simply made for eachother!

Your Pants are too Tight,


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Cool People Who Also Happen to be Black

Hey Honey Button,
Ever wondered why you never meet any cool black people? Of course you're not, because they're all cool. Let's take a peeksie shall we, negro?

First Up,
Some call him Black Moses,
I wish he would part my legs like he did the Red Sea,
The one and only, Isaac Hayes

Why is he so good? Maybe it's because he's huge "down there"...or maybe it's because he found a nickname in the bible.

Next! Barry White. His last name is white...but he's not.

Who else is as fine as wine? Oh I'm not sure...them?

4 to 1...what a ratio.

I would also like to draw attention to the man on the far right...all I have to say damn.

So now your probably thinking...sure they look nice, but they probably make a mess! Well your wrong! They're just like you and I! They brush their teeth, dance, and sometimes drink dimetapp mixed with malt liquor...but don't act like you haven't on occasion. You should make the first step, talk to your local community's black man about "your piece" or "how you roll". They are sure to befriend you!

Don't you dare call them monkeys,


*PigeonStew and Foxy do not find racism funny, this is strictly a satirical document to show how truly ridiculous, prepostrous, and outlandish racism really is. Foxy, of the PigeonStew team also happens to be of Negro descent and skin colour, therefore, if you have a problem, shove it.