Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Minority Government for Teens

Recently the topic of minority based government came up in a grade 11 english class. Canada is usually in such a predicament, hence our dear friend Stephen Harper always getting elected. Unfortunately the simple concept was lost amongst the young people that are supposedly the future(Hot Tamales!). So we decided to whip up this analogy.

There are 12 crazy teens, much like yourself, who want to have some wicked awesome fun this weekend.

Three of these children feel the urge that accompanies, as the teens call it "getting nuts and blazing some spliffs". (Class pauses for brief applause) This is the NDP.

Four of the kids decide they want to "get krunked" and "shotgun their dad's beers until they puke out their noses" (Class pauses for brief, slightly lowder applause) this is the Liberal party.

Then there is another, larger, group of kids, 5 to be precise. But remember, 5 is less than the combined seven of the Liberal and NDP parties. These five kids want to go to an art gallery, look at some interesting art, discuss philosophy and literature, and mostly, appreciate the fruits that natures tit has to offer. They want to listen to Beethoven, and talk about their feelings. They only drink cool beverages because hot is the temperature of hell, and in hell, as you may very well know, resides Satan, these kids know that drinking hot beverages makes Satan happy, needless to say, these kids are very, very, smart. (Class pauses to boo for a while, and Toby, the child that the teacher chooses to ridicule on a regular basis in front of the class begins to state how very much he enjoys freshly brewed herbal tea.) "Shuttup Toby! You're parents hate you!" says the teacher. Everyone laughs, that is, everyone except Toby. Anyways, as you may have guessed, this party is the conservative party.

Now, I see you have been thinking and doing math well beyond your years. You realise that since seven kids wanted to rock their bodies with substances, that's a majority, therefor that's what they do. Well unfortunately for you, you wasted your time doing your math, because that's not how government works, silly! Since, three children voted to smoke marijuana and four voted to drink wine coolers that their mother's bought them, all withing the subgroup, they do not count as seven, they count as two seperate groups of three and four. So all the kids must go to the art gallery. DAYUM!

I hope I've helped, sorry about you wasting your time on that math!

Chowda Chops.

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