Monday, May 11, 2009

Pigeon Stew Informational Seminar

ever wondered where the G-spot is?


No but seriously, we have loads in common. Anyways, we have put together a little informational tidbit on how to find this little love muffin, and caress the inner depth of the lagoon until the spirits beg for timeless release. To start, you will want to pretend your an animal, maybe a neanderthall, or something really good like a Troglodyte. I prefer to pretend I'm a latino, but to each his own. ONWARD!

I have broken down the tedious journey into several steps, having this information on the internet is a small step for man kind, and a large step for your self esteem.
  • Firstly, enter the forbidden golden dunes, this is best performed if your subject is sleeping. Next, follow the first rusty chain you find until you reach the everlasting stream, traipse in the stream, it's refreshing, some may say rejuvinating, you can't describe it, all you feel is the colour blue.
  • Soon, you will see the great rock, Arstright. He will guide you to the next point. Trust him, you will find that all speaking rocks are worthy of your time, and you ask to meet his people. He says "No."
  • Arstright will hand you a key, and you will be left on your own to find the rest of your way. Be sure to leave enough time for goodbyes before Arstright magically disappears.
  • You will find a locked chest in Arstrights enchanted forest, tweak the knobs, use your key, you will then posess 3 copper coins. (gold got really expensive after the first three guys used this technique so now we steal copper from electric wiring and melt it into coins for this purpose, don't complain)
  • Exit your subjects anus (what did you think the golden dunes in step 1 were?)
  • Enter the forbidden fortress, pay the nymphs your copper coins for safe passage
  • You will find a rough bumpy patch...that's not it, you've gone too far, start over.
  • Use the skills you acquired in Mordor to highten the sensuality
  • Reach further, you will find the G-spot on the inside of her belly button.

What? You don't believe me? Fine! Enjoy NOT pleasuring anyone to their max capacity...and nice hair by the way.


Ishmael, Foxy's Jewish Friend

(They taught us in Hebrew school...I swear!)

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